19 minutes

my computer has nineteen minutes left until he dies. lets see if i can come up with something postworthy.

i like it when people say "oh, my phone died."

PERSON : my phone is dead
ME : (face goes from ridiculous smile to stunned look)
PERSON : (casually) ya idk i forgot to charge it
ME : O HOW CONVENIENT - YOU FORGOT TO CHARGE IT.
PERSON : ya, its alright though
ME : ITS ALRIGHT? YOU HAVE SHED THE INNOCENT BLOOD OF A LIFE PARTNER.
PERSON : ya but whatevs.
ME : (grabs cell phone out of person's hand, places it on ground, tries to resuscitate by continuously pushing the B key).
ME : BREATH, PLEASE, ITS NOT TOO LATE, THERE IS POWER IN YOU YET.
PERSON : (confused look).
ME : NO! NO! NO! NO! (slowing looks up at person with a scowl.) THOU SHALT NOT MURDER. THOU SHALT NOT MURDER.
PERSON : Listen man i think you are confused
ME : IM CONFUSED? IM CONFUSED? O THATS RICH, YOU MURDER A HELPLESS PHONE OUT OF SOME SICK TWISTED SENSE OF CONVENIENCE AND I AM THE ONE WHO IS CONFUSED? I HOPE ROBOTS COME ALIVE AND MAKE YOUR SKULL THEIR BUCKET FOR BOLTS AND INSERT A BATTERY TO YOUR BACK AND DON'T CHARGE IT BECAUSE THEY FORGOT. THEN YOU EXPLODE. (walks out)
PERSON : why do i spend time with him?