nicholas cage is the worst part one

in 2009 i saw a movie at lincoln square cheap theater called "knowing". roger ebert gave it 4 stars. roger ebert also is a bucktoothed old mummy. this was one of the worst movies ever and EXHIBIT A in the MUSEUM of nicholas cages LIFETIME of SUCKERY.

knowing is a "movie" about an alcoholic loser who claims his wife died. she could have justifiably left him for his alcoholism OR THE FACT THAT HE IS SUCH A BORING PIECE OF GARBAGE. either way, him and his son live and look at the stars together (it isnt touching). then like this chick who IS satan writes something in a school time capsule 50 years ago. then nicholas cage's son gets it at his school or whatever and takes it home. then his loser dad nicholas cage sends him to bed at like 6pm starts boozing and looking at the Satan's letter its like all this numbers and garbage. EVEN THOUGH he is drunk and a loser he tries to decode the note. (how could he know there was something to decode?) then he "randomly" selects numbers off of the page. 91101 were the numbers he "randomly" selected. THEN LIKE LITERALLY FIVE SECONDS LATER he makes it 9/11/01 AND HE IS LIKE WOW THIS MUST BE A LIST OF THE MAJOR DISASTERS IN HUMAN HISTORY FORETOLD BY A SATAN PROPHET OF SOMEKIND.

then he finds the satan's grandaughter - shes hot - hes like YES. then she hates him cause he sucks so much. then satans great grandaughter and his son are like "we are the same age". then 5 satanic beings follow him around. then a plane crashes like 2 feet away from cage and he isnt hurt. then the satans turn into angels, an alien ship lands and picks up HIS SEVEN YEAR OLD SON AND THAT OTHER SEVEN YEAR OLD GIRL. the aliens take them TO REPOPULATE AN ENTIRE PLANET. A PLANET OF INBRED DESCENDANTS OF NICHOLAS CAGE. WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE WORSE THAN THAT.

perhaps this movie.

by the way, if you don't believe me, watch it. it is definitely that awful.

OUT OF TEN IN SUCKERY
MOVIE SCORE - 9
NICHOLAS CAGE - 8
EVERYTHING ELSE - 9

this one will be hard to beat.