system for rating fat people.

there are a lot of fat people. this worries many. it is sad that some people are so overweight, but when it comes to straight up lazy people who pack on the pounds and begin to look like whales, i say, why not enjoy it?

here is a fairly in depth system to rate fat people so that when explaining how fat of a person you saw to someone else, they can understand.

Level 1 - Guthouse. This term is used to describe someone who is generally fat or has just eaten a lot at a meal. Note: any person, no matter how skinny can be a guthouse, if you see them eating a buttload of food. This accounts for about 80% of fat people. Used in a sentence - That kid just ate like five ears of corn, what a guthouse.

Level 2 - McBeasthouse. This would be your run of the mill really fat person. McBeasthouses have typically eaten every different item on the McDonald's menu and their car would probably have 2-3 lbs. of uneaten leftover fast food in it. This accounts for about 12% of fat people. Used in a sentence - I thought that guy was 2 people, then I found out it was just a McBeasthouse.

Level 3 - MaBeastHouse. This term is for the fat person who gets a double look. Like you are walking through the mall and you see them in a huge gray sweatsuit and you just have to look back. Are they really that big? This accounts for about 6% of fat people. Used in a sentence - I wonder how many parachutes I could make out of that MaBeasthouse's Mu mu?

Level 4 - House. This person would give the response - "Really?" from most people. This is usually the fattest person you will see in public walking under their own power. If you see a house and they don't have food in both hands, they aren't a house. This accounts for about 1% of fat people. Used in a sentence - My first house wasn't as big as that House.

Level 5 - Behemoth. This person would captivate an entire room if they went in. People would be obsessed with figuring out how they are still living or breathing. A Behemoth in public is a rare sight indeed. My uncle said he saw a Behemoth on a waterslide. It collapsed moments later. This accounts for about 2% of fat people (rounded from 1.9999%). Used in a sentence - "Mommy, were Behemoth's bigger than dinosaurs?" The answer would be in most cases yes. Note: Behemoths can also be referred to as "Behes".

Level 6 - Moth. There are only 5 Moths living on the earth right now. There have only been around 50 in recorded history. Moths haven't stood under their own power for at least 10 years. Most have some type of glandular disorder. I heard about one Moth that got the side of his house sawed off and then taken by a crane to the hospital where he occupied 3 rooms and 5 nurses. And by "occupied" I mean he crushed them. Many scientists claim that there was a Moth in the early sixties who weighed 10,000 lbs. and was bigger than several planets in the then known universe. This accounts for about .0001% of fat people. Used in a sentence - I once saw a Moth. It ate my brother and several tourists.