twelve hours later to the minute, all the lights in the grocery store were off. a moon-like glow covered the third aisle. a small leprechaun named lucky slowly peeled off the front of a box entitled "lucky charms". he shook and gained a third dimension. a bee with honey falling off his stinger did the same. the two met and hugged, excited about another night of mischief. they were best friends in every sense of the word. as they walked towards frozen foods, they discussed the dude in the baseball hat's comments. "Captain Crunch is going to be awful mad," said lucky. the bee nodded nervously. as they walked around the corner, there stood captain crunch. lucky swallowed, hoping his previous sentence hadn't been overheard. captain crunch had his typical mean face on. "hello fellow product sellers". "we're not product sellers" said lucky, "we are real people". captain crunch spoke softer like you do when you have something really important to say, "you, lucky, are only alive to sell sucky charms, and you the bee, to sell honey but cheerios." the words hurt them deep, even though they heard them nearly every night. tonight, however, lucky had had enough. "you... you... are..." he couldn't think of anything. captain crunch laughed condescendingly. all of a sudden, lucky wound up and punched captain crunch right in the kisser. lucky stood over the wounded captain and said "you, are, captain, PUNCH". lucky and the bee ran and flew over to frozen foods before the captain had a chance to respond. they stopped at the beginning of the aisle and talked to tony the tiger, he encouraged them to have a grrrrrrrrrrreat night. realizing they shouldn't have asked him for advice they kept running. just then, they heard captain punch enlisting the help of his friend the trix rabbit, who is dumb enough to be friends with anyone. the groups kept enlisting the help of character after character until the wee hours of the morning.
at the north end of aisle 3 stood lucky, the bee, tony the tiger, toucan sam, and snap, crackle and pop. facing them was captain crunch, the trix rabbit, count chocula and that super weird frog from the cereal smacks. captain crunch was embarrassed to have such a tool on his team but it was too late now. the lines charged at each other! toucan sam pecked the trix rabbits eyes out but then he was bit on the neck by count chocula. the honey nut cheerios bee stung the smacks frog in face several dozen times. the frog was just glad to have been invited (which he was not, he just showed up). captain crunch roundhouse kicked snap, crackle and pop all in the face with one totally sweet motion. tony the tiger fell asleep halfway down the aisle. lucky threw a bunch of magically delicious marshmallows at count chocula who died because he had diabetes. then it was down to the original three. lucky and the bee charged at the captain but stepped in a net that he had laid down as a trap. he took them on his ship and told them to walk the plank. as they walked towards their watery graves lucky turned around and said to the captain "i've always liked your cereal better than mine". (which was a lie). captain crunch was touched in his heart for the first time ever. but he decided to push lucky off anyway. lucky drowned and captain crunch asked the bee to be his friend instead. when the bee refused captain crunch pushed him off too.
the captain finished out the night by helping himself to a bowl of his cereal while sitting in his boat, a content smile on his face. then the smile changed to a frown. his cereal had cut his gums, really bad. he kept eating anyway and ultimately bled to death. this reduced his cereal sales because his corpse was on the cover of his box. everyone bought c3po's and vampire fruit loops after that instead.
moral: name calling, fighting and eating captain crunch all have the same outcome on life. which is death.
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