Monday, August 24, 2009

a letter from the future.

have low self esteem? low self-image?

throw those pills away, cancel all of those expensive psychiatrist visits.
try this on for size.

the personal letter from the future. imagine the greatest possible you from the future and write a letter of encouragement to your current self.

example 1.

Dear Kevin,

I know you are sad and fat. But I am from 2020 and I am writing to let you know that in 2 years science will invent a burrito that makes you lose weight. Then you eat too many and almost die. Then you balance your diet and you are skinnier than either Olsen twin. You also get scouted by the Major League's to be a catcher, but you decide you would rather party with your smokin' hot wife than be a lame catcher. Then the Dodgers offer you a position managing but you just tell them to give you a suitcase full of money instead. They do, then you pour bleach on their whole team's heads for no reason. Instead of getting arrested for this you get a free pitcher of Clear Coke (which is really popular) from the police, because the police in the future have decided to reward generally sweet acts of random violence. Also you come up with a sweet invention, robot hamburgers. Want to know how I know all of this Kevin, well I am you. From the future.

Sincerely,
Kevin of the future.

Example 2.

Dear Mike,

I know you are wimpy and girls find your face and odor repulsive. Don't worry. I know the following things will be true of you:
You will have the hugest muscles ever. And you will live to be 82,000 years old with usage of a robotic heart, lungs, brain, hands, feet, muscles, tongue, left eye, colon and eventually butt. Your right kidney lasts the whole time. Way to go. You will marry 99 smokin' hot chicks before you croak, each one more smokin' than the last. You live to see the first women, child, gorilla and alien president of the United States of America. By that time the country is called the United States of Bananamerica, which it is named by the gorilla president who's name I can't remember. I think his name was Mighty Joe Young or something. Anyways, don't worry, you also win the Stanley Cup, an Academy Award for Art Direction, and 3rd prize in a beauty contest.

Sincerely,
Mike from the Future.
Ps. I thought you should know that the movie Jumanji is really good. You don't see it til the year 2078 and you should probably watch it sooner. Your favorite part is when all the rhino's stampede through that library and almost kill Robin Williams.
Pps. Invest in robot hamburgers.

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